The last post below was actually written two weeks ago. I forgot to post it. My bad.
I’ve been busy in the meanwhile. Started a new writing experiment. Not exactly Hemingway’s six word stories, but something in a similar vein. I’ve been posting them on my facebook. I figured I should post them here. Not like anyone who reads here hasn’t already seen them on my facebook page. Are there any readers here who aren’t on my facebook? I get maybe like 4 hits a day. Not complaining. Just curious as to who you all are.
So, most of these have been kinda jokes. Obscure jokes, but that’s just how I’ve been feeling lately. Maybe some of these will become full stories, maybe not.
“What you must remember, that nobody who wasn’t born and raised here could ever understand, is that living in Hawaii is a long slow death sentence for those of a certain cast of mind and soul. Like taking a bottle of vodka and Xanax on a sunny day, only extended over 30 years.”
“Her stocking cap smelled of strawberries and ozone. She twirled around and leaned forward, with her hands behind her back. ‘Wanna know a secret?’ she said. Her tone softened and she grinned. ‘I’m from the future.’ “
“He sighed. If only he could get past his first love. The one imprinted on him when he was ten years old. His life would have been so much less painful then. He let his fingers skitter across the iron bars.”
“It wasn’t easy playing classical music. Most of the audience would be there just to demonstrate their membership in the cultured classes. Yitzak looked at their faces. The music swelled. His part was coming up again. All his thoughts disap…peared, consumed by the music written by maistros turned over to the ages. His voice filled Ganymede’s Bradbury Music Hall. ‘We be… big Pimpin’… we spendin’ Gs…'”
“Willard was disappointed. He kept on boring his guests to death. He supposed that next time he would have to pay better attention and not get so wrapped up in his own pleasure. He washed off the bit and put the drill back on the shelf before going upstairs.”
“Bill had always wanted to be there when they put his name up in lights. He regretted that wish when he saw that the light was from the flames burning him in effigy.”
“‘Dad, I’m gay’ would have been an infinitely preferable revelation when he caught his son in greasepaint pulling an invisible rope on a streetcorner.”
“Jed has always wondered what he would see as he was dying. Would it be his life flashing by quickly, his dead grandparents, or simply a tunnel of light? His last moments in Iraq were filled with confusion as he was subjected to every episode ev…er made of ‘Three’s Company’ compressed into several seconds.”
“Inviting Michio Kaku and Michiko Kakutani to a dinner party seemed like a good idea on paper. However, they were sitting awkwardly looking at their food rather than having a lively debate about the philosophical implications of their respective… careers. Who knew they could be so shy? Thankfully Tila Tequila was taking up the slack. And then some.”
“Long thought dead, Doo-wop music actually reached it’s apotheosis in the music of the all-lesbian group “Sheila and the She-Ras” of Hoboken New Jersey. Unfortunately, this revival was cut short by the asteroid which collided with the earth in 2033.”
“Ivan was drunk when he entered a query into his computer’s search engine. He wasn’t able to get it to return a list of hits, but later he found them in his loaf of bread and then again wandering the streets dressed as a DMV supervisor…. When he returned home he realized he had mistyped Google’s web address.”
“While technically correct, no one would personally accept Petru Ionescu’s self-designation as a harried Latin lover.”
“It was the rarest of the rare, the holiest of the holy. It was the Kalevala as illustrated by Tom of Finland. Never had Väinämöinen ever been so lovingly rendered as beefcake. It appealed to a very narrow subset of people.”