This is all so fucking fake. Why am I pretending I give a shit about this stuff when it’s not what I think about when I lie in bed at night?
It’s time to be honest with myself. It’s time to leave all the bullshit behind and depart into new sights and sounds.
It’s amazing what the odd compulsion to suddenly buy and play and ukulele has wrought about in me. It really has nothing to do with it in itself, but the sensations of renewal and stirring of feelings in me that have been dead for years. God knows why. It’s like I’ve taken out the earplugs and blindfolds.
I just wanted to say goodbye before I overhaul this place. Goodbye to the world I sorta kinda dabbled in. I’m going somewhere now, I don’t know where, but I’m not standing still anymore. I feel a sensation pulling me.
I really wish I could talk to PatrickH and Clio before I get going, but I don’t think they read here at all.
Oh and on a side note, have you ever noticed that there is a difference between finding beauty in the ugly and just celebrating ugliness. I don’t think most people can catch the distinction anymore.